Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Shitty Day All Around

(This is really just a long vent... not unlike any of my other posts)

So cycle wise, today is CD2. I called yesterday and made sure my nurse remembered to order my drugs. You would think after talking about this cycle since January, and every month since then she asked if I was doing the IUI that cycle, she'd order the friggin meds!!! Nope!
So today I had to run around to the specialty pharmacy to get my drugs for tomorrow morning (and I thought I was last minute), just to find out that I need authorization for most of the drugs. Ugh!! Luckily the one for tomorrow did not need authorization- so I got that.
The RI never sent over the script I need for blood work for CD1-3.. I emailed over the weekend and called 2x. They finally sent it at 5pm today- so tomorrow I will go for blood work before work and during lunch.
I am just really ticked because I tried hard with my nurse- she's messed me up in the past, but I gave her once last shot... and now I've been with her over a year. I just don't think its fair that I have to work so hard to prepare for my cycles.

So I was trying to vent to DH about this today and he did 2 3 things that really pissed me off:

1) he started the suck-Olympics with me.. comparing everything I am going through with his job. Geesh man, I didn't even bring up my job cause that sucks, too. I just wanted him to acknowledge my struggles.

2) He said this cycle is already starting off bad and maybe we should cancel it because it's too much. He's gone to one appointment with Dr. KK and signed some papers at the RE saying it was ok for me to use donor sperm, and got an HIV test.  And that's too much for him? I have gone to several appointments alone, spend much more time in therapy dealing with these issues. I have made at least 16 phone calls/emails this week while teaching (it's really hard to use the phone when you're a teacher). I've kept appointments around going to school and tests and finals. I coordinated my next appointments around my sister's schedule so she could go with me... and it's too much for him? I need him. When I cycle- it's like a 2nd job, keeping track of everything and now with trying to make sure I coordinate working with 2 doctors (RE and RI), it's a lot more work for me. And he wants to throw that all away because the nurse didn't order my meds? These IUIs are the final shots of using MY DNA. DH already said he was done and perfectly ok to use donor sperm. But my weekly therapy appointments have proven, this is not an easy next step- and taking these IUIs is huge in order for me to either see that my eggs are good enough- or that it really is time to move on. I've been reading about the burning of the drugs, the hot flashes, everything.. and it's too much for him... I didn't even ask him to go to the IUI or monitoring with me.

3) He forgot what I said last week. Today is the EDD of our only pregnancy (m/c at 5 weeks). I told him I was aware of the date and I wasn't sure how it would affect me and he called me crazy for still thinking about it. I don't think about it all the time. I had a cycle buddy and I check up on her- and know its her EDD, too. I see her ticker and think, I'd be just as far along. It's not crazy- its normal. I brought that up in therapy and she told him that I can be sad on that day. And I thought I would be fine- I mean, I knew it was coming, just another day, right? Period, IF bullshit, and Christina Perri... and BAM! Messy, can't breathe tears as I'm driving in to work. I hate my commute- 90 minutes of my own thoughts- it's like a prison... But DH didn't remember. When I told him today sucked more than usual- I got the suck Olympics. He took an extra volunteer shift tonight- and I didn't want to be alone.. and the dogs got into the locked bedroom and ate/destroyed a few bags of random stuff... so now I have to clean.

Shitty Day all around....

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