Monday, April 14, 2014


So I have been thinking about miracle cycles. There has been a lot of talk from other women about having some miraculous pregnancy just happen without any assistive technologies.
At first I was feeling really jealous because I want that glimmer of hope. Somedays hope is all I have to hold on to, so more of it seems AMAZING. Given our diagnosis (azoospermia) we will never become pregnant from having sex- ever. I came to terms with that years ago- but that little voice in the back of my head felt like it was reminded of that.
But then I thought- I never have to deal with the heartache of AF just being late and wondering if this is that magical cycle. I don't think I could handle that. I often see women go through horrific events and I don't know if I'm really cut out for that. Honestly, after a failed cycle, you just feel like pure shit. What if people felt like that every month? No wonder AF is a bitch.
So- I quickly went from jealous to humble. Some women have to be warriors every month. I hate that some people have to be that strong. Why do we have to be that strong to just make it through a few months?
This journey is not the the weak of heart... but I wonder where has all my strength gone?

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